Part 22: LET'S MEET THE BEST DOGGIE

Howdy, folks, and welcome back! Last time, on Secret of Evermore, we saw York be a moron, kicked the ass of a weaksauce boss, and then Tiny blew up Horace's camp, but revealed some new tunnels. With that said, let's boogie.

Edit: It's also DoubleNegative's birthday, so be sure to wish him a happy one!





Before we get to the teleporter maze coming up, there's one stop to make.





If you didn't pick up Drain before this, then too bad! It's gone forever. Double Drain requires 2 Ethanol and 2 Vinegar, while regular Drain required 1 Ethanol and 2 Roots. I'll try and remember to show it off at some point.



With that done, let's get back to Horace's camp.









Horace's Camp is now empty; Madronius is no longer available to purchase ingredients from.



To move on, we head to the south of the camp, past that cool statue.



Where we can now walk onto the dry riverbed; if we head south, we can visit the Great Pyramid again, but there's no reason to do so now.



We'll be heading north, instead.





We encounter a couple of Mad Monks here, but, as per usual, they ain't shit.



Hey, what's this over here?





Alright, so, we fell off a cliff. Things can't get much worse.



...Oof. That qualifies as worse.



But not as bad as this shitty dungeon.



Not only is it a maze, one with limited visibility and plenty of enemies, but it's a teleporter dungeon on top of it all.



And it is a shit hole. Let me tell you.



DEAR CHRIST WHAT'S THAT BEHIND ME



Ahh! Kill the horrid motherfucker!



USE THE BEEEEEEEES



So, those are the Oglins. They only have 120 HP, so they're not very tough. But they toss out 150 EXP and 100 jewels a piece, so they're entirely worth murderizing.





Also, that teleporter animation is pretty fuckin' cool.



But that's about the only cool thing about this dungeon. It's one of those that isn't very hard, if you follow the right path (i.e., look that shit up like someone who isn't a dumbass), and isn't very hard, even if you wander like a moron, but it's tedious. I'd much rather something be actually difficult as opposed to tedious as hell.







In my test run, I decided to just blitz through this dungeon. In my actual recording, I decided to check out what it's like not to cheese through this dungeon.



Don't do that. It's a shitty idea.



A very shitty idea.







Imagine if you just made a plate of nachos.



You pull them out and see that the cheese is all melted, the beef is still sizzling, and you can feel the heat radiating off it, as you know you need to wait for it to cool.





And then you decide, "Fuck this shit, I'm eating."



You pick up a chip that is just drenched in cheese, knowing your fingerprints are toasting off, you still bite into it.



You feel your tongue start to broil in your mouth, your molars begin to melt, and your throat constricts as it tries to kick out the food that is literally broasting it.



You try to spit it out, but your mouth is too busy panicking to react to what your brain is trying to tell it.



And then you swallow that magma-hot chip and feel it as it slides down your throat, scouring the sensitive skin, forming and bursting blisters as it falls into your gut.



It sinks into your belly, boiling the acid inside, slowly melting a hole in your stomach, as you scramble for a cool drink it hopes that it will repair the damage done by your stupidity and impulsiveness has caused.



But then you keep eating, thinking that it'll be over soon, it can't keep going, that you'll soon be done and can go back to some semblance of a normal life.



Oh, and if you think you can be clever and just Wing your way out of there...



I'm not sure if Escape would work, either, but I can't imagine so. I've also literally never cast Escape, so...





Anywho, when you get here, you're pretty much at the end. Another three Call Beads go on the pile. I think I have 13 or 14 now.





From that pot, go left and up to get to the boss of this area, and the final boss of Antiqua.

That's right, we're about to hit a new area!





That's right, we're fighting a tentacle monster!





With 400 HP, these fellows aren't too tough. They also drop 500 EXP a pop, which is very, very,





Now, since I wandered around that dungeon for far too long, I decided that Aquagoth here can kiss the fattest part of my ass.



He has 2500 HP and is eating enough Crush and Fireball to feed the population of Kenya into the next decade.



He can attack with Corrosion, Confound, and Lightning Storm, but...Well, he's still not dangerous. This is about all the respect he deserves, and I don't feel guilty for doing this to him.



We also got 5,000 EXP from this fight, which is also very, very



An interesting thing here is that if you come into this fight with six bits of Honey (which should be the max for how many you can carry), you'll still get this bit of Honey and will have seven.





If anyone says anything about lotion, I will find where you live, find your family, and slap your dog.





And then we're flung out of a well into an area with someone who looks like they only know about the Elizabethan era from shitty, low quality, high school plays that thought they needed to perform knock-off versions of Shakespeare plays.



You didn't just glance in and see the horrible squid monster?



Guess not.





I don't think you'd believe me if I told you.



I s'pose the Cliff Notes version is better than telling the entire story. I mean, if you told this guy that you wandered into a tunnel into some sort of Greek/Egyptian/Roman world and wound up in Ye Olde Englande, he would probably just push you back into the well.





...Crafty? From what I saw, they were mostly flaming and smushed.



I can only hear this in some sort of silly Cockney accent, like someone who has an idea of how the English sound, but no idea of how to actually even begin sounding like that.



"...I killed about forty of them, so I'm sure we could find some remains and find out."



Oh, the best dog is down there. My favorite dog. The most of dogs.





The writers must have known what they were doing here, the sons of bitches.







It's soooo amazing!











You're damn right.



In the third of four areas, York.



The Queen, eh? I wonder what she was back in Podunk. Secretary, prostitute, cashier, librarian, bounty hunter--At this point, none of those choices would surprise me.



We'll get to finding the Queen, then! She's bound to know a thing or two! Or at least be able to point us in the right direction for some new weaponry...



Sure do, bud.



And with that, folks, we're going to finish off this update. Next time, we'll start to explore Ivor Tower and see what's going on 'round these parts!

Stay tuned!